Friday, October 11, 2013

Hiding Out In (*from*) the Crowd, GRL Edition

GRL is less than a week away. I'm registered as a reader this year. After the abysmal way Spunky's been treating me (or is it the other way around?), I would have felt like a fraud taking up Author space when I've been buried under an avalanche of The Nothing taking over my brain. 

So, are you ready for next week then? I am looking forward to hitting Atlanta and hanging out with all y'all. And I'm not. I love meeting up with friends I don't get to see often. I love being around people who have share my passion for passion. And I love making new friends. But, I hate it at the same time. 

See, I am a Public Introvert and a private extrovert. Here's what I mean:

Meeting new people is tough for me. For one thing, I really, and I mean really, suck at small talk. It's not that you're not interesting.  It's not that I don't want to get to know you; I desperately do. I just have this 'thing' going on in my head when I'm in a group of people. I am completely and utterly convinced you have better things to do than talk to me. Look at all the people around us -- why would you really want to waste time talking to me? I also don't want to impose on you when surely you must be looking for someone with more to offer.

If we're in a crowded room, and you're standing next to me, don't be offended if I disappear when you turn around. It's not you; it's not me... it's just that!!!! MUST LEAVE....ahhh, look at all this space in the hallway, outside the door. Feel the clear, non-stuffy air (even though it's the exact same air as in the room...).  I'm not really claustrophobic. Except when I am. Yeah, I get that it makes no sense. It just is. It's the same thing that makes me want take a Valium before I go to Costco. *shudder*

At the same time, if we're in a small-scale environment, I will be chatty as hell and cutting up with the best of them. I will laugh and joke and make you scratch your head wondering where I come up with some of the shit that comes out of my mouth. I'm almost a completely different person at those times. 

I guess in a way, I am. I know my boisterous self is best in small doses, and I know others feed on the energy of a crowd. I'm not one of them, but I'm happy to stand off to the side, lurking in a corner, just enjoying the vibe around me. If you wanna hang with me, that's cool. Maybe we'll loosen up enough to join the crowd (after a few shots). Or maybe we'll just sneak out the side door into the quiet night air. Either way works for me. 

Okay, now I feel a little more ready. If I could just find a damn suitcase.... 

See y'all there!