Saturday, November 12, 2011

Saturday Snark - Shunning IKEA

(with apologies to Hal David)
What the world needs now
is snark, sweet snark.
No, not just for some, but for everyone.

This is from a silly, MadLibby story I started this week. My NaNo has been getting a bit serious, so I needed to switch gears for a bit. 

Chief Maverick is holding a press conference detailing the gruesome murder of Humpty Dumpty.


"It had been shot, stabbed, frozen, and sliced. Then it was reassembled in the incorrect order. There were body parts all over the floor, but our doctors simply could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again. It was as if this man had never even been to IKEA.” The throng of reporters pressed forward, all calling for the Chief’s attention. “Yes, you, Chastity Nemesis.”

Chastity stood up and adjusted the cups of her red bustier before her light brown nipples peeked over the tops, like a cup of coffee threatening to spill down the crotch of your pants when you jammed it between your legs at a fast food drive through.

“Chief,” she started in her sultry baritone. The male officers reached down to adjust their cocks behind their dark blue uniform pants, while the women squirmed in their seats, crossing and uncrossing their legs. “You believe this fiend has never been to IKEA? How is that possible?”

“Well, Chastity, in this day and time, there are still those who would eschew quality, low-cost furniture that is easily transportable but requires some assembly.”

“The barbarian! He must be caught!” she exclaimed, draping one hand dramatically over her eyes before she fainted dead away into the waiting arms of Zeal Floraslayer. 


Oh, he will be caught. Detective Rascal Lonejackal will make sure of that.



  1. Perfect! I love IKEA references.

  2. Oh, God. It must have been me! I've *never* been to IKEA!

  3. I went... once, got lost and have never been back. LOVE *snicker* the names.

  4. I *knew* it was you, VJ! Rascal will be coming by to question you soon. ;)

    I get in and get out of IKEA as quickly as I can when I go. I think the trick is to sneak in through the registers and avoid the maze.

    Oh, and never worry about the extra parts that are always leftover.