Tattoo Tuesday - Ari

Ah... Ari. Makes me all kinds of grinny.

~xxx~

Music Monday - Short Change Hero

This really isn't a place for a hero, but I'm trying.

Lyrics:

I can’t see where you’re comin’ from
But I know just what you’re runnin’ from:
And what matters ain’t the who’s baddest but
The ones who stop you fallin’ from your ladder.

And you feel like you’re feelin’ now
Doin’ things just to please your crowd,
But I love you like the way I love you,
And I suffer, but I ain’t gonna cut you cuz

This ain’t no place for no hero,
This ain’t no place for no better man,
This ain’t no place for no hero,
Go home.

This ain’t no place for no hero,
This ain’t no place for no better man,
This ain’t no place for no hero,
Go home

Every time I close my eyes, I think, I think ’bout you inside,
And your mother, givin’ up on askin’ why
Why you lie, and you cheat, and you try to make
A fool out of she…

I can’t see where you’re comin’ from,
But I know just what you’re runnin’ from.
And what matters ain’t the who’s baddest, but the
Ones who stop you fallin’ from your ladder, cuz

This ain’t no place for no hero,
This ain’t no place for no better man,
This ain’t no place for no hero,
Go home. 

~xxx~

Suit Up Sunday - Dressed for Mordor

Maybe if they had suited up for it, they could have simply walked into Mordor. Maybe there was a dress code.

~xxx~

Kilt Friday - Game Time?

Kilted rugby, maybe? Oh, yeah! SCORE!

~xxx~

F*ck Off Friday - Guest F*cker Summer Michaels

Howdy, Summer. Come on in and take a load off. Let me pour you some iced tea and we'll dish...

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Fuck Off Food Network…

Recently, I have been wanting to spice up my dinner meals. My kids grow tired of the same types of food week after week. Honest to goodness I have been burning my evenings meat so bad that my five year old piped up last night and said, "You know who likes burnt meat? Mom! She burns it all the time."

So I started watching the Food Network. I have several DVD's of Paula Deen, I thought…Hey! I can cook like her. I have that southern "Hey y'all" draw. I can do this!

(These are like the set I bought, but mine have red handles.)

Um, yeah not so much. I went out and bought the knives all the Food Network chefs seem to have. You know the ones, with the cool colors and seem to cut your veggies without effort?   So I open my new shiny knife set. I sliced the palm of my hand open. I was NOT going to let this set me back. Nope! I am going to cool like Paula, dang it!

I wanted to cook ribs on the grill, but I wanted my meat to boil in beer to give it that added flavor. I pre-cook the ribs on Saturday and let them sit until Monday night. OH they smelled great! I was so damn proud of myself. I lit the grill (alright, you caught me, my neighbor did. I'm so afraid I will blow up if I start a grill). I let it warm up before putting my ribs on the sizzling cast iron. The smells coming from that grill was mouthwatering!

I go and turn them once and go back inside to check on my skillet corn. It was shaping up nicely! The broccoli and cheese casserole were about finished, so I started making sweet tea. Such a great southern food menu. I was still proud as a peacock, strutting my stuff around the kitchen.

So I plate up all my plates (six total) and go out to get the ribs. In the back of my mind, I notice the smoke now rolling from the grill. I was hoping and praying it meant good things. Sadly, I once again this week burned my dinner meat. To be honest, I didn't just burn it, I torched those suckers!

I was so disheartened. The ribs I spent two days working on were now ash. I thought about saying a prayer, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, don't leave the ribs unattended that's a must."

Somewhere in a kitchen across America, Paula Deen is shaking her head at me. You know what I say? Fuck off Food Network! It's your damn fault for showing me and countless others the many different menu's we could create in thirty minutes or less, on a shoestring budget,  or fix it quick meals.  One day my kids are going to be excited about a meal I prepare. One day Food Network, one day!

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I have to say I agree with you Summer. They make it look so easy. "Oh, you're going to chop it just like this, and then you'll put it in the pan...."

A box of gauze pads, a roll of duct tape, and a tube of neospirn later, we may have something that resembles road kill.

Make sure to visit Summer at her blog. 

~xxx~

Tattoo Tuesday - Leave the Glasses On

Did someone call for a Sexy Nerd?

~xxx~

Music Monday - Sexy Nerd

This song has been playing in my head for weeks now. (Thanks a lot, Thorny)
(And, for the record? I can talk dirty to you in HTML code. Just saying....)

Lyrics (as close as the web has been able to figure out, anyway)
Take your clothes off, but leave your glasses on
Take your clothes off, but leave your glasses on
I don’t need no club queen
Hopped up on the party scene
That’s something you ought to know
oh oh
I don’t need no Broadway diva
Singin’ me shit from Evita
I don’t even like the show
oh oh

I need a man
to talk dirty to me in HTML code
I need a man
to sit on my laptop and open my download
I don’t need Grindr
I need a nerd finder

You think you know ’bout me
Well forget what you heard
I want a sexy nerd
Them other boys on my list
but you know they ain’t first
I want a sexy nerd

Oo, I want a sexy nerd
Damn I wanna sexy nerd
Listen

I don’t need no tweeky twink
making meth under his sink
don’t you think it’s time for bed?
oh oh
I don’t need no leather man
Bondage ain’t up in my plans
I don’t need no muscle jock
in the gym around the clock

I never had a pocket protector
get me erector
I want it bad
I’ll read you some fractions
to get me some action
I don’t need Grindr
I need a nerd finder

You think you know ’bout me
Well forget what you heard
I want a sexy nerd
Them other boys on my list
but you know they ain’t first
I want a sexy nerd

I be sexy strippin’
while he be Java Sciptin’
We can read science fiction
while we make science friction
Cruisin’ the li-berry and the chemistry lab
? is something that I gots to have
Sexy ass nerd walkin, oh my
Lookin fine with his pants too high
And I will get fly with Bill Nye the Science Guy
I’ll be working your shaft
While you be playing World of Warcraft
We can get our freak on
in the bathroom at Comic Con

I need a man
to talk dirty to me in HTML code
I need a man
to sit on my laptop and open my download
You think you know ’bout me
Well forget what you heard
I want a sexy nerd
Them other boys on my list
but you know they ain’t first
I want a sexy nerd

I’ll plug in my USB
Then you can do me
watch you come alive
while I rub off on your hard drive
My tongue be waggin
while you play Dungeons and Dragons
I’ll be cruisin the Radio Shack
Just to look at nerd ass
Damn. I’ll be all up in there getting a fever off of these nerds
they look so sexy and I’m gonna rub up against ‘em
They’re gonna whisper in my ear
they’re gonna fix my computer and stuff 



~xxx~

Suit Up Sunday - Help a Brother Out

There's a story with these twins, just nudging the edges of my brain.

Maybe something to do with my Big SciFi Adventure.... Yeah. That's it! Take it away, Spunky.

~xxx~

Kilt Friday - Ambush?

Is this an ambush or a rescue in progress? Hmmm. I feel a flashfic coming on.

Stay tuned....

~xxx~

Weigh-in Wednesday - Sweet Release

I have a new release today!

(Sorry - it's been a while since I've been able to say that, so I'm a bit giddy with it.)

Go by and find out what that snark was all about.

Razor's Cut
Playing a show on Valentine’s Day, Razor isn’t looking for anything more than a one night stand when he cruises the crowd during the show. When he hits the alleyway to meet up with a promising pretty boy, what finds him instead leaves Razor badly wanting an encore. Too bad he has no idea who the man was.

And don't forget to check out all the Kiss Me Quick bundles from Less Than Three Press.

~xxx~

Tattoo Tuesday - Valentines

A special pair of inked Valentines to everyone out there.

Cherish those who are with you, love those who are not, and release the haters to their own. (And don't forget to include yourself in that list)

~xxx~

Music Monday - Phantom of the Floppera

Who are you calling floppy?

~xxx~

Suit Up Sunday - Coffee Break

Coffe break?

~xxx~

F*ck Off Friday - FlashFic Sonnet

I love silly plot generators. Making sense out of crazy plots really is fun for me. The crazier, the better. I just can't help myself. 


MIX UP MASH UP PLOT:  Entropy hunters and ritual magic in far Future Tokyo. Some things you might run into: a relationship ending, an unexpected ally, a malfunction, a fall from grace and forgiveness. Don't forget about the hollow tree, crown prince, greaves and letter

BONUS CHALLENGE: in a sonnet, just because


Encased in greaves, hidden from sight, he waits
His heartbeat slows as his quarry draws near.
Magic tingles fingers and sets the bait;
His prey senses danger, but shows no fear.

Staying his steed, the Prince surveys the site.
A man. Injured, ailing, fading away.
Gasping, yet refusing to give up the fight.
He reaches, grabs, though he suspects foul play.

Fires flare from the pits of Tokyo Old;
The Prince recognizes the Hunter's brand.
Lovers from friends, but the passion grew cold.
Energy drains through the joining of hands.

Betrayed, the Prince smiles, the pain sears his heart
Forgives, pardons, and falls when pulled apart.


Hmmm. Not so much, huh? 


Maybe I should stick to limericks and haikus. Who would have thought it would be so hard to fit "Tokyo" in iambic pentameter?


~xxx~

Kilt Friday

*shivers*

~xxx~

Tattoo Tuesday - No Evil?

See no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil.

He didn't mention anything about no touching......

~xxx~

Music Monday - Party On

Keep fighting!

~xxx~

Suit Up Sunday - Game Time

These cover boys are going to be suiting up later tonight. Enjoy the commercials game!

~xxx~

Kilt Friday - Scenic Route

That is some kind of scenery. And the castle's nice too.

~xxx~

F*ck Off Friday - (NSFW) FlashFic Fun

If you know me, then you know I love to make the bizarre feasible and appealing. Getting the strangest prompt and turning it into something interesting and fun just gets Spunky excited. So, when Poppy ran across this prompt, she couldn't help but double-dog dare me.


The Challenge: This is an epic about pursuit. The story is about an introverted physicist and a treasure-hunter who hates a ranger. It takes place in a condominium. A magical accident plays an important role.

Honestly, how can I resist?
(answer: I can't :D )

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The edges of the pages fluttered when the air conditioning unit kicked on. Levi looked over them, spread out over the coffee table. It was warm in the condo, but he wouldn't risk turning on the ceiling fan and blowing the documents around. These were priceless artifacts: ancient texts, yellowed, edges curling in age. The penmanship alone was thrilling to him. But what was written on them was what really got Levi excited. He knelt on the floor and looked over them one more time.

"Dags, this is amazing," he said, a hint of awe in his voice. "Where did you…." He couldn't finish his thought. The formulas drew him in. He sat on the floor and leaned back against Dagger's knees to stop from reaching out and touching the pages.

Dagger's fingers itched to run themselves through Levi's hair that was sitting enticingly close to his groin. He was dying to know if the wavy red curls would be as soft as he imagined they would. He longed to pull his glasses off and get a look at those gray-blue eyes that had turned up to look into his face. And just one taste of those full, pale pink lips…. No. Levi was his best friend. He couldn't do it. But those eyes, sparkling with enthusiasm and looking over those black frames, and the little bounce he was doing, like he didn't know whether to go running around the room or just jump up and down. Jump up and down…. Yeah…. On my cock. Dagger cleared his throat before he cold speak.

"It was in a tomb at the last dig. I thought I'd bring them to you, since they're all math shit." He tried to nonchalantly suck in his breath to keep from acting on his desires. It was hard though, when Levi shuffled around on his knees and put his hands on both sides of Dagger's legs, trapping him in place.

"Do you realize what you've found?" Levi asked breathlessly.

Dagger squirmed in his seat. Levi's closeness was throwing him off balance. His entire countenance was at war with what was going on inside him.

"Math shit?" Gods, he hoped his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. His whole body thrummed, and he was only getting strung tighter as Levi leaned in close to look at his face.

"Portable nuclear fusion! Can you imagine? These formulas are thousands of years old. They created a way to harness all that energy into a pocket-sized device. Everything from science fiction is about to become fact! It's been under the sand all this time. And no one knew." Levi shook his head. "No one knew," he whispered.

Levi's body practically quivered against Dagger's knees, the thrum of excitement running through him was so strong. "I–" Dagger started, but no real words could come out.

"Hey, are you all right?" Levi reached out and trailed a finger along Dagger's arm. "You've got goose bumps. You didn't catch anything out there this time, did you?"

"No," Dagger said, probably a bit too emphatically, judging on the look Levi was giving him. He pushed up to his feet, and Levi grabbed his hips to keep from falling over. And didn't that put Levi's face at just the right height to suck Dagger's cock into that pretty mouth of his. Dagger almost reached down to cup Levi's face and suggest he do just that before he got control of himself again.

"Dags? Are you sure you're all right?" Levi swayed on his knees, and that face brushed against Dagger's thigh. Did it stay there longer than necessary, Dagger wondered. The A/C unit clicked off, and he could hear Levi exhale below him. Hot air warmed his hip. It spread for a second before it dissipated and left a cool spot. His cock pushed painfully against his zipper, and he curled his hands into fists. He shut his eyes tight to block out the look on Levi's face.

Was he all right? That was the million-daric question, wasn't it? No way he could tell Levi the truth about what happened out there in the desert. He shuddered, and Levi's arms wrapped themselves around his thighs. A whimper echoed in the room, and Dagger realized it came from him. Levi's head moved, and his freckled cheek brushed against the front of Dagger's trousers. That time, the touch lasted longer. No way the second scrape of whiskers along the fabric was accidental.

"Dags?" Dagger opened his eyes and looked down at Levi. Those stormy blue eyes seemed to bore into his soul. "Tell me."

Dagger gave into the temptation and set his hand on Levi's head. The curls felt like silk ringlets under his fingers. He combed is fingers through them. Levi seemed to turn into his touch, and Dagger dropped onto the couch and sighed.

"We let something out."


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Hmmmm.  What did they let out? And why is Dagger so nervous about it?

Yeah. I think this one is going to turn into a novel at some point. Dagger just won't be quiet.

~xxx~

Weigh-in Wednesday - One Month Down

Can you believe we're already in February? January seemed to fly by. I'll probably scale back these weigh-ins to monthly. I'm really not all that interesting, so inundating you with weekly updates seems a bit much.

Let's check my scorecard and see how things are shaping up....

Stop Eating Crap: I've been detoxing for a week now. Zero carbs, no sugars, no fats, no oils. I had some headaches at first, but I FEEL GOOD ANYWAY. I've given up coffee *gasp!*, but you can have my iced tea when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. One thing I have determined through extensive research is that grapefruits are minions of evil, flinging their bitter juices in mini-missiles directly to your eyes, computer screen, or keyboard.

Just sharing the warning before you decide that innocent looking fruit is safe.

Start Moving:  That treadmill standing in the living room has actually seen some use. (Use that it was designed for, pervs)

What Did Work?  Monkey Wrench was accepted! I love my little spider monkey, and I'm glad he'll be joining Jeff out in the world. (Not to mention it's embarrassing to have a series of one book.)

What's Next?  Razor's Cut, my Valentine's short will be out in a couple of weeks, and you can enter to win a copy in the SuperHuge Giveaway at  Babes in Boyland.

I'll be working on a joint project with my #AwesomeTweetMommy Piper Vaughn. We've got the story outlined, and we're hoping to finish it this month. I've made some progress on a sci-fi cyborg idea that hit me last year. And the shocking thing? I actually like it. 

What else? I'm not sure. But I'll be sure to share with you as I find out. 

~xxx~